Understanding Conflict (I)

The world was shaped through the existence of conflict – conflict of wants and needs, beliefs and ethics, conflict as a rite of passage and/or tradition, conflict as a perceived necessity to ensure the continuity of one as an individual, society or nation. Inversely, the world was also shaped by the actions taken to address, avoid and/or remedy conflict, from which arises a plethora of wants for better lives, security, opportunity and mutual gain. Conflict, to a certain degree, is a natural occurrence that while mostly unsavoury, can even be viewed as a means and therefore a necessity towards a greater understanding between two parties.

While conflict exists on any and all degrees, the focus of this post will be on the occurrence of it in everyday life. At an interpersonal level, conflict can arise from hardship, clashes in approach, views on certain trigger subjects (religion and politics come to mind), betrayal between friends or partners, even as a result from nothing else but emotional conditioning. When addressing conflict, people tend to focus on the defining factors of that specific instance rather than view conflict as a self contained concept. Humans, being the highly complex creatures that we are, are quick to forget that others live a life just as emotionally deep and rich as we do. The result of this is the subconscious habit of underestimating how much peoples views are framed around experiences that we have not had, or the anecdotes they may have heard, or even how effective that anecdote might be depending on who provided it and if that person is held in high regard.

Conflict is solidified because two parties cannot understand (or can, but aren't willing to admit) that their solution to or the framework of the subject is only based on the experiences they have had, and the 'truths' they had come to adopt on a matter as a result of that. Take for example, two men who are both experiencing the loss of a family member. In their grieving they come to associate things with death differently and eventually, accept those understandings as their 'truths' on the matter. The reason why conflict tends to be a downward spiral is that humans are so self absorbed that it is just easier and more natural to base things on the truths one has experienced rather than process a train of thought in a completely foreign framing (even then, the adoption of which is subjected to the person's biases).

Of course, it would be impossible to completely rid the world of conflict. However, at Mediate2Resolve Online, we offer professional mediation services for a host of situations, ranging from disagreements with a spouse or disputes with a colleague at work. Please click here to be taken to our website and explore our full range of services and workshops.

Mediation – With One's Self Before One Another (II)

Being a process that involves two or more parties and a neutral third party, how can mediation apply to oneself? The answer is in its approach – mediation takes time in listening to both sides of a conflict. The outcome isn't skewered by bias and the third party ultimately has no say in your decision, allowing you to adopt a more unencumbered approach to resolving the situation. This is admittedly something most of us will have trouble with when it comes to ourselves – dispelling bias. It's simple to fall into the misguided understanding that if for example you find a certain personality trait repellent, the trait surely must be inherently “bad”. In reality, the mental framework that we have spent a lifetime putting together on any one thing or subject only makes resolution more difficult by closing ourselves off to a different perspective.

This is where the mediation process employs a third party – by introducing a component in the process that will not benefit in any way, thus eliminating any wants or bias that may stem from those wants. In order to resolve conflict within oneself, one must first detach his wants from his actions and decide if they are of a proportionate degree, and whether or not they are worth the morals and values you are either upholding or pushing aside.

The point of this is to come out of the process clearer about what you want and how you want to achieve it, while gauging what you're willing to sacrifice and who you're willing to hurt (be it yourself or someone else) and whether or not it is objectively 'worth' it. Mediation has proven effective because it does not focus on the truth or fault of an instance and those involved, but rather how the problem can be remedied. One cannot hope to resolve a conflict with someone if one is unsure of what he wants – and while everyone may handle it differently, this has proven effective not only in assessing oneself, but in providing a sense of becoming while doing so.

Of course, conflict resolution involves a wide range of soft skills that not everyone may possess. At Mediate2Resolve Online, we offer professional mediation services for a host of situations, ranging from disputes with a colleague to disagreements with a partner. Please click here to be taken to our website and explore our full range of services and workshops.

Mediation – With One's Self Before One Another (I)

Often times life has a peculiar way of throwing obstacles at us – some have clear cut solutions while others may fall into more of a 'blurred line' category. The former may be the everyday errand. Answers are relatively simple. The latter, however, tends to be (or appear) more complex in its nature purely because not only does it exist as a problem in itself, it also serves as an avenue for emotions, perspectives, values and morals to which are subjected to the individual's understanding of the world. Naturally, incompatibility between perspectives and goals arise and from this – disputes are born. This tend to boil down to conflicting wants of two or more parties and the inability/lack of will to realise their individual goals partially as to allow for all parties to walk away with something.

Everybody handles, views and values confrontation differently, but in general it is an exchange that often results in negative feelings towards the other party. Reconciliation, the thing the comes next (or at least a ways down the road), is a whole lot more beautiful but ironically cannot exist without the former – that statement isn't true the other way round though. In the posts to come this will be covered with more depth but for today, lets delve instead into mediating conflict within yourself before attempting to resolve an issue with another person.

For those not already familiar with it, mediation is an approach in which parties enter in a negotiation that is facilitated by a neutral third party and is categorised as a means of alternative dispute resolution (ADR). Mediation, however, is a voluntary process that involves the participants reaching a mutually favourable outcome that they decide is fair – this in my opinion can be more effective than arbitration, where decision making involves the third party and in result, may not yield the same extent of satisfaction. This puts the parties involved at risk of forced closure, thus not really tackling the issue at a grassroots level. At Mediate2Resolve Online, we offer professional mediation services for a host of situations, ranging from disputes with a boss or co-worker, to miscommunications at home. Please click here to be taken to our website and explore our full range of services and workshops.